My Journey

Last night, as I lay awake sleepless (which happens all too often), I felt God's urging. I felt him asking me to give up something in my life to which I have grown very acustom. I had read in Matthew 4 how disciples "immediately, they left the boat and father and followed him." (Matt 4:20)

I wanted so much to get up out of my bed and get rid of a medication which I am so used to using. I feel like I can't sleep without it. I wanted to obey with all of my heart, but I was paralyzed with fear. I was so afraid with how I was going to get along without it, IF I could live without it. My fear was bigger than my trust in God's provision for me. I didn't get out of bed.

In my quiet time today, the word on my heart even before I opened my bible was "More of You, God. Less of me, More of You." I want my trust in God to grow, vanquishing my fear.

Then I opened the text assigned to us today. Matthew 5:3. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven." (NIV) However, the Message version paraphrases it to say,

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." Unbelievable! Once again, God shows how much He loves me and puts Himself into my life. Amazingly, even after this incredible sign, fear still ruled my heart. I did not throw away the medicine.

Today, I had my bible study group. I was planning on not sharing my experience, but I did anyway. Through their support and love, they are walking me through this. I gave my medicine to my friend and she took it away.

I know they will be there with me through my tough transition, carrying me with their love and prayers. I know that once over this mountain, my faith and trust will be bigger and stronger. My faith in God, but also in my friends whom He gave me to help me through.